The other day a client said something to me that really gave me pause. Well, let me clarify. What they said, actually made me want to yell, scream, cry, jump up and down and ultimately lose my ‘you know what!’ This happens so often in life where people think they can just say anything to you and you should be elegant and perfect and accepting instead of responding in an appropriate way that works for you. Right?
In this instance, instead of my head spinning around allowing my serpent touch to lash out at this client, I took a moment to take a long deep breath. As a matter of fact, it was probably all of 30 seconds. In that time, I said nothing. Yep, not a peep. My clients eyes started to bug out of his head in about 10-12 seconds of silence and by second number 16, he was practically bursting. Finally, around second 29, he could no longer contain himself and he said ‘What are you doing???’ I simply said I was taking a moment to receive what he said so I could give him my best response. And, before I could say another word, he said, “I am sorry. I should have said I agree with you.” How about that? Before I even needed to respond, he did it for me. He solved the entire problem in the 30 seconds that I took to take a deep breath and think about the correct response to his comment. Now let’s be real, he was wrong, and he needed to apologize and make it right. By pausing, I not only gave myself a moment to think and respond, I also gave him a moment. I like to think of it as a little gift to myself and in this case, my rude client. Now, I can just refer to him as my client instead of my rude client.
Negotiation is a true talent in any profession but especially in real estate. I never thought of myself as a hard and fast negotiator, but rather a fair one. And a good one. My favorite tactic is silence. We all know the phrase, ‘silence is golden,’ and it is! That is exactly what happened to me when I just stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. My client became so nervous about the silence that he negotiated with himself! How about that?
To me, this is simply a form of daily, 24/7, self-care. We are all good at doing it intermittently, but what about on a regular basis? That is where the RBR method comes into play.
Throughout the day, things come at us from all different directions. Sometimes it’s good news and other times, it can be a little rough. In all those moments, when someone says something that requires a response, in other words, when you RECEIVE -R , their comment, take a moment, give yourself time to take a deep breath -B. This gives you time to consider their comment and offer your very best RESPONSE -R. I think taking that pause in the middle gives you time and also gives the other party an opportunity to consider what they said as well. People often say things in haste and in our rush to respond, things come out in a way that could have been better. But, if we take a few seconds to practice Self Care and employ the RBR- Receive-Breath- Respond method, life is easier, relationships are nurtured and everyone is happier in the end. Treat yourself to self care 24/7 by using the RBR method. It will make you feel wonderful and always make others wonder what the heck you are up to this time!
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Sincerely,
Karen S. Schaefer
Founder of W.I.N.; the Women’s Wealth and Impact Network
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